Around the NFC North: Making Fun of the Bears, Lions and Vikings
Sure, it’s been mildly entertaining trying to figure out if the Packers did, or did not, sign Steven Jackson. And it’s been somewhat amusing following Greg Jennings and his mysterious tweets as he navigates the free agency waters, possibly back to the Packers.
But none of those things bring as much joy to my heart as mocking and ridiculing the Packers NFC North opponents for their offseason signings, roster cuts and trades.
The Vikings traded Percy Harvin to Seattle for a first round draft pick and a couple other draft picks. They also cut veteran defensive back Antoine Winfield and resigned right tackle Phil Loadholt.
Isn’t it cute how Vikings general manager Rick Spielman is trying to act like Ted Thompson? Suddenly the Vikings are all about the draft and getting younger.
Let’s see how long Spielman is able to stick with this philosophy. Remember that the Vikings quarterback is Christian Ponder and owner Zygi Wilf has a new stadium opening in a couple years that he’ll want filled to capacity with drooling rubes in helga horns and goldilocks braids.
What if Ponder continues to stink and the Vikings take a step backward? Is Wilf patient enough to give Spielman enough of a leash and allow this draft and develop philosphy to take shape?
I doubt it.
You know what’s going to be awesome? Watching the Vikings spend the first-rounder they got for Harvin on the next Troy Williamson.
UPDATE: The Vikings signed Matt Cassel after I wrote this, so you know what else is going to be awesome? Hearing those drooling rubes in helga horns and goldilocks braids chanting Cassel’s name after Ponder goes 7-for-16 for 49 yards with two interceptions in the first half of Minnesota’s season opener.
The Bears signed left tackle Jermon Bushrod and tight end Martellus Bennett. The futures of Brian Urlacher and Israel Idonje remain up in the air.
Pro Football Focus ranked Bushrod 24th among left tackles who started at least 10 games at the position in 2012. Bushrod got a pass blocking rating of -3.5. For comparison, the Packers Marshall Newhouse got a 5.2.
Does Bushrod sound like a guy who should be given a $35 million contract and annointed the savior of your offensive line? It does if you’re the Bears!
Bennett is a different story. I think he’s an excellent all-around tight end. Too bad he won’t get many balls thrown his way with Jay Cutler constantly on the ground and throwing tantrums.
The Lions signed running back Reggie Bush and safety Glover Quinn. They also added defensive lineman Jason Jones and resigned corner Chris Houston.
Packers guard T.J. Lang is ready to make hats and T-shirts for the Lions offseason NFC North title. Maybe he should also make shotguns and ear protection. Since the Lions apparently have the division wrapped up in March, coach Jim Schwartz might just skip training camp and take his team skeet shooting instead.
The Lions could sign any free agent they want, trade for Tom Brady and bring back Chris Spielman in his prime. As long as Schwartz and his fake tough-guy act are in charge, I’m not too worried.——————