Surviving Sunday: Packers News, Notes and Links for the Football Deprived
I had an idea for a new Packers offseason gameshow while driving home from work today.
The first nine years of my adult life I had a job where I took a city bus to work. It was nice to not burn gas and spend half my salary on parking, but I always had to stay alert so I wouldn’t get stabbed. There are some, ahem, interesting people that rode the city bus on my route.
Now I have a job where I drive 30 minutes to work, in my own car. Yes, I’m burning gas (free parking, thankfully), but I don’t have to worry about getting stabbed. This frees up my brain and allows me to think of all kinds of silly things, like my idea for a Packers offseason gameshow.
I’ve already filmed the pilot episode, and am ready to share the transcript with all of you today. I brought back the ghost of Richard Dawson to host my show, mainly because I crack up whenever I see old Family Feud episodes when Dawson tries to make out with all the female contestants.
The name of the show is Will Johnny Jolly Play for the Packers Before…
Richard Dawson: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to everyone’s favorite new favorite game show! The object of the game is to guess if Johnny Jolly will play a regular season snap for the Packers before another player currently on the Packers roster. It sounds confusing, but it’s not.
Even people who read Packers blogs should be able to understand it and play along at home. Let’s get started.
Female Contestant No. 1: I’m ready, Richard.
(Dawson leans in and gets a smooch)
Dawson: Will Johnny Jolly play a regular season snap for the Packers before running back James Starks?
Female Contestant No. 1: Oh, that’s a tough one. I wish Jolly participated in OTAs this week so we at least knew what kind of shape he’s in. But the injury-prone Starks could be on the chopping block with with Eddie Lacy and Jonathan Franklin on the team. I’m going to say yes, Jolly will play for the Packers before Starks because Starks won’t make the team.
Dawson: That’s a logical answer. Time will tell if you’re right. And if you are right, you win an even longer kiss from me!
(Female Contestant No. 1 vomits all over the stage)
Dawson: Alrighty then, that was awkward. Let’s go to the next contestant.
Male Contestant No. 1: You try and kiss me, we’re go to have issues, Dick.
Dawson: Whatever, tough guy. Here’s the next question: Will Johnny Jolly play for the Packers before Jerel Worthy?
Male Contestant No. 1: Oh hell yes. Worthy blew out his knee at the end of last season. I don’t care what he says, he won’t see the field in 2013. He’s no Adrian Peterson. Look, the Packers need defensive lineman. Jolly was a good one. As long as he’s in reasonable shape, he’ll make the team and play before Worthy.
Dawson: Can’t argue with that answer. If you win, you win nothing because I don’t like you. On to the next contestant.
Male Contestant No. 2: Survey says, I’m ready to play, Richard.
Dawson: Oh, we have a comedian up here. Alright, willy Johnny Jolly play for the Packers before Desmond Bishop?
Male Contestant No. 2: Reports of Bishop’s demise are premature, Richard. Bishop will start at inside linebacker and play before Jolly. If Jolly makes the team, and I don’t think he will, he’s going to need all of the preseason and at least the first couple weeks of the regular season to get in shape. Bishop will have 20 tackles, two sacks and a pick before Jolly even dresses for a game.
Dawson: Desmond Bishop’s agent agrees with that answer. On to our last contestant, a lovely female from Michigan’s U.P.
Female Contestant No. 2: Thanks for the smooch, Richard! The men don’t kiss like that where I come from!
Dawson: The men probably don’t do a lot of things where you come from. Final question, Will Johnny Jolly play for the Packers before Graham Harrell? There’s a catch to this question: Harrell must start a regular season game in order for it to count as actually playing. Mop-up duty doesn’t count as playing.
Female Contestant No. 2: If the answer to this question is Harrell, it’s going to be a long season, Richard. I’ll need more of those smooches to get through it. Packers fans have been lucky. Our all-world quarterbacks of the last 20 years have never had a serious injury and missed multiple games. I’m banking on that luck continuing, and Jolly playing for the Packers before Harrell gets a start.
Dawson: If Rodgers go down, I’ll be there for you, babe.
That concludes the first episode. Tune in next week when we ask if Johnny Jolly will play for the Packers before Don Barclay, D.J. Williams and Derek Sherrod.
Packers News, Notes and Links
- B.J. Raji is hoping for a new contract and Packers coaches are hoping he gets better and shedding blockers. Raji hasn’t developed into the elite defensive lineman many of thought he’d be, but he’s still good. His main problem is getting blown off the ball too often when he lines up inside. An elite inside player in the 3-4 defense is able to absorb double teams, stand his ground, and every so often blow everyone off the ball and make a play. Raji isn’t that player consistently…yet. I’ve always had a feeling that Raji sees himself as more of a pass-rusher than he really is. I wonder if we’d see Raji take a major step forward if he really focuses on becoming a more athletic version of Ryan Pickett.
- We knew Mason Crosby’s 2012 season was bad, but it turns out it was actually historically bad. I feel helpless writing about Crosby. With position players, we can at least watch film and pretend that we know what we’re talking about when we critique and criticize. With a kicker, all we can really do is get mad when they miss kicks and do our best to not haul our television up to the roof of our house and launch it off. We don’t really know why kickers miss kicks, we just know that they do, and we get angry.
- This is an interesting perspective on why the Packers may have moved Bryan Bulaga from right tackle to the left side. The numbers show that Aaron Rodgers fares much better when facing pressure from his right side instead of his blind side. That’s not necessarily a shocking revelation — most QBs probably do better when they can actually see the pressure coming. But I’ve heard a fair amount of grumbling about offensive linemen once again being shuffled around, and this might explain why yet another shuffle is taking place.
- The Packers are still tinkering with Mike Neal standing up and playing some outside linebacker. As long as they don’t ask him to cover tight ends or running backs on pass routes, I’m fine with a little bit of tinkering. Ultimately, I’m thinking Neal sees little, if any, time at outside linebacker, but he might stand up as the lone defensive lineman in some funky defensive alignments that Dom Capers like to bust out.
- Packers legend Gilbert “The Gravedigger” Brown was this week’s guest on Cheesehead Radio. It’s a must-listen, so fix yourself a homemade Gravedigger Burger and give it a listen. After you listen to Brown’s interview and visit the bathroom after eating that Gravedigger Burger, be sure to listen to some of the ALLGBP.com crew chatting about OTAs and catching up on Packers news.
Non-Packers Links and Other Nonsense
- Bill Simmons said a really stupid thing on his podcast this week. I mean a really stupid thing. Of course, this got people all up in arms and calling Simmons an idiot. I’m the biggest Simmons fan, but I don’t put him in the same category of stupidity as people like Skip Bayless or Stephen A. Smith. So Simmons put his foot in his mouth? Big deal. When you’re write and talk as much as he does, it’s bound to happen. No need to freak out about it.
- If you’re at your kid’s kindergarten graduation, don’t get in a fight, please. Actually, what’s the point of a kindergarten graduation? There are too many graduations these days. My Facebook feed has been littered this spring with parents posting about their kid “graduating” from pre-school, kindergarten, middle school, high school, college and grad school. I am instituting a new rule: You only get to celebrate one graduation. If you burn up that graduation celebration in pre-school, you’re done. You don’t get to have any more graduation celebrations or ceremonies the rest of your life.
- Shameless plug: As part of my new job, I run a blog that focuses on corn farming and other aspects of agriculture. I’m trying to build a readership, so if you’re into that sort of thing, give it a look and check back throughout the week.