If the Packers are Shut Down like the Government, Who is Essential and Who is Non-Essential?
For the first nine years of my professional life, I was “non-essential.”
Non-essential was never really defined. I worked hard. Went above and beyond. Got plenty of accolades. Was told my work was very important by everyone I interacted with. Got a paycheck once every two weeks.
But when push came to shove, I was categorized as non-essential.
Yes, I worked for the federal government. And whenever our wonderful elected officials couldn’t agree on a budget, a government shutdown was threatened. That’ when we found out which civil servants were essential and which were non-essential.
The essential people were designated to work through the shut down. I guess their jobs were considered really important, or something.
The non-essential people were sent home until the politicians figured out a budget. We were non-essential, so whatever, right?
I no longer work for the government, so I’m spared the humiliation of being labeled non-essential as our government shuts down today. All of you non-essentials out there reading this right now, I feel for you. You are all essential in my view. Don’t let the haters bring you down.
The shutdown got me thinking: If the Packers got shutdown like the federal government, who would be essential and who would be non-essential?
These are the things I think about. Welcome to my brain.
Definitely essential. He’s the best player on the team and plays the most important position. The Packers couldn’t function without him.
Sorry, Mike, but you’re non-essential. Aaron Rodgers can call the plays and I don’t even think you can name five defensive players on your own team.
Essential. Someone has to snap the ball to Rodgers.
Non-essential. The Packers will never punt or kick field goals. Just score touchdowns. No need for a long-snapper, punter or kicker. Goode will be furloughed and play his guitar in Green Bay coffee shops until the shut down is over.
Can we furlough Matthews’ hamstring and keep the rest of his body?
All running backs are non-essential. The Packers proved that in 2010.
He’s non-essential, but since Williams hasn’t shut down an opposing WR since 2010, he doesn’t know what the term means and hangs around anyway.
Just to anger Packers fans and keep the comments sections at Packers blogs lively, Finley is deemed essential.
Kevin Greene personally tells Capers that he’s non-essential and escorts him out of the building.
Somebody has to rock the sleeveless turtle neck, so Jones stays on the job.
During the shutdown, the Packers can’t afford to feed their fat players so Pickett is non-essential.
He doesn’t sign any free agents, so what’s the point of keeping Thompson around? In addition to calling the plays, Rodgers can run the draft too. He’ll probably draft 10 WRs every year, but he’ll make it work.
The ‘ol Gunslinger is in the best shape of his life and will ride into Green Bay to personally save the franchise and end the shutdown. Essential!