Category Archives: Humor

19

September

Packers Living Out Their Own Groundhog Day, Over and Over Again.

Like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, Green Bay Packers’ head coach Mike McCarthy has been living the same game, over and over again.

1) Get a lead

2) Get conservative, keep opponent in the game.

3) Fail to get first downs to kill the clock in the latter part of the fourth quarter

4) Hand the ball back to your opponent with a chance to tie or win

5) Survive…  thanks to a big stop by the defense, often near your own end zone.

The Packers have lived out this scenario in both games so far in 2011. It’s also how they won four out of the last six games last season, including the Super Bowl.

But since the Packers’ Groundhog Day always ends the same way, (with a win) we shouldn’t be concerned, right?

Well, unlike Bill Murray, who tried like hell to get out of the loop he was stuck in, McCarthy seems resigned to let the scenario repeat indefinitely. Murray eventually found himself in the same position.

But then Murray tried a different approach, taking advantage of his knowledge of how the day will play out to try to make improvements to the day, helping to improve himself and all of those around him. Then eventually, the loop was broken.

So how about it Mike, why not use your knowledge of repeating history to your advantage? Make some changes in your “day” (game calls) when you get in those same situations next time. Perhaps you’ll break the loop.

12

August

Packers Visit White House, Meet President Obama

Super Bowl champion quarterback Aaron Rodgers presents president Obama with a Green Bay Packers jersey.

President Obama (begrudgingly) welcomed the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers to the White House South Lawn on Friday afternoon to congratulate the team and its fans for winning it all last season.

“You guys are coming to my house to rub it in,” said the president, a lifelong Chicago Bears fan. “What are you going to do, go to Ditka’s house next?”

After Charles Woodson presented Obama with an honorary share of Packers stock, the president tried to make a personnel move.

“If I’m a part owner, what I’m thinking is we should initiate a trade to send Rodgers down to the Bears. What do you think?”

Somewhere, Jay Cutler is crying.

But Packers fans are happy, really happy. I must admit, I did not plan to watch any of the ceremony because these types of things tend to be somewhat corny. I ended up having some free time just as the ceremony started so I tuned in.

I’m glad I did. It was a proud moment for the Packers and their fans. Obama (and his speech writers) also deserve a lot of credit for giving the ceremony an authentic feeling with the quips about the Bears and Packers rivalry, and for playing up the president’s heartache after the NFC championship game.

4

August

Overheard in the Packers Locker Room Before Their First Practice…

Last season AllGreenBayPackers.com received an exclusive peak inside the Packers locker room before they faced the Minnesota Vikings in the Metrodome. Through tireless reporting and source development, we were granted access to the locker room on the first day of training camp last weekend. Here’s what went down.

All the Packers coaches are gathered in the locker room. Mike McCarthy arrives

McCarthy: When are the players supposed to get here? I thought everyone was so excited to have football back. Why are they not in here already?

Winston Moss: They’re all in the Hall of Fame down the street, staring at our Super Bowl trophy. I sent Capers to go get them. The players are frightened by his hair, so they’ll probably come running back here once they see him coming.

The locker room door opens and players start coming in. Rodgers has a perfect tan, and is accompanied by two beautiful young women – one blonde, one brunette – both with tattoos on their lower backs. Tom Crabtree walks headfirst into the wall because he was Tweeting instead of paying attention to where he was going. Ryan Pickett and Howard Green start punching each other over who gets to go through the post-practice buffet line first.

McCarthy: Didn’t we hire an ex CIA agent to spy on these guys and keep them in line during the lockout?

Moss: We actually hired the entire CIA. But Obama got wind of it and ordered his agents to abort the mission. Obama’s a Bears fan, ya know.

26

July

The NFL Lockout is Finally Over: What Roger Goodell was Really Thinking

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has to be feeling good about his sport as the NFL lockout ends.

Roger Goodell was asked today if there were any damages from the NFL lockout that need to be repaired. He said:

“Well, I would say from the Commissioner’s perspective, we know what we did to frustrate our fans over the last several months. They want football and our job is to give them football. We think that through a 10-year agreement here, we’ve secured the future of the game to ensure that pledge to bring great football to our fans. I think we have some work to do though to make sure they understand that we are sorry for the frustration we put them through over the last six months, but our commitment is to bring them better football going forward. I think we ought to make sure that we understand that our bond with our fans is probably the primary issue that all of us have to keep focused on, whether you’re a player, or you’re an owner or you’re the Commissioner.”

While Goodell was giving this beautifully crafted and politically correct answer, here’s what he was really thinking:

“Hell no there aren’t any damages! Are you freakin’ kidding me?! We’re the NFL, not the NBA, MLB or NHL. Twitter literally melted into a pile of social networking goo once the lockout ended? ESPN basically threw a party live on the air. The NFL Network is covering this news conference like someone just brokered a peace deal in the Middle East. Fans are more excited for the upcoming football season than for any other season in our league’s history.

22

July

NFL Lockout Update: Owners Ratify Proposal, Players Wonder What Just Happened

It’s 11 p.m. central time on Thursday night and I’m going to watch some Japanese wrestling and go to bed. Before doing that, however, I thought I would provide a quick summary on the NFL labor front for those of you that were smarter than me and chose to not pay attention to the kerfuffle that developed Thursday evening.

If you’re reading this in the morning, there’s a decent chance something else could have occurred overnight. You probably should check out Profootballtalk.com or follow Aaron Nagler on Twitter for the latest. Both of those guys will likely spend the night monitoring the situation instead of watching Japanese wrestling.

Here’s what went down:

  • The owners voted 31-0 to approve a 10-year labor deal and gave the players until Tuesday to reform as a union and accept it. The Oakland Raiders abstained from voting because they probably realize they will go 6-10 and could care less if there is a season or not.
  • The players said they never had a chance to review the proposal and accused the owners of trying to force a deal. Many people were expecting the players to vote on some sort of proposal Thursday, but they didn’t because the players claimed to not know for sure what exactly the owner’s passed.
  • ESPN’s Chris Mortenson reported around 10:45 p.m. that the players eventually received all the details of the owners proposal and a vote could come as early as Friday. Will a vote actually happen? Who knows.
10

July

The Final Chapter: The Complete History of Green Bay Packers in Professional Wrestling: List of All Packers With Wrestling Connections

Clay Matthews raises Edge's hand after a match on WWE Smackdown.

We continue our “Sunday Storytime” with chapter 4 in a series examining the history of the NFL, the Green Bay Packers and professional wrestling. This is the final chapter in the series. The introduction to the series can be read here. Chapter 1 can be read hereand Chapter 2  can be read here. Chapter 3 can be read here.

The final chapter in our look at the connection between the Green Bay Packers, the NFL and professional wrestling is a database of wrestlers with ties to the Packers. I know I am probably missing some names, so if you know of anyone that I omitted, let me know in the comments section and I’ll add them.

With the lockout (hopefully) ending this week, you probably won’t have to put up with any more pro wrestling posts from me. I had a lot of fun putting this series together and I hope at least a few of you found something a little worthwhile in each chapter.

A friend of mine manages a popular Minnesota Timberwolves blog and is posting about his return to distance running as the NBA lockout drags on. I also recently started running and probably could have put together some amusing posts about my struggles for this site. But seriously, would you rather read about me — a 240-pound blogger trying not to die of a heart attack while running a mile — or Dick the Bruiser?

3

July

The Complete History of Green Bay Packers in Professional Wrestling: Chapter 3 — Dick “the Bruiser” Afflis

Da Crusher from Milwaukee and Dick the Bruiser, a former Packer, dominated wrestling's tag team division for over 10 years.

We continue our “Sunday Storytime” with chapter 3 in a series examining the history of the NFL, the Green Bay Packers and professional wrestling. The introduction to the series can be read here. Chapter 1 can be read here and Chapter 2  can be read here.

Remember when pro wrestlers had barrel chests and round bellies instead of bulging biceps and chiseled physiques? Remember when wrestlers looked like larger and meaner versions of your dad’s drinking buddies? Remember when old ladies used to sit in the front row at wrestling events and swing their purses at the bad guys?

If you do, then you also probably remember Dick the Bruiser. Dick the Bruiser’s wrestling career began in the mid 50s and lasted until the late 80s. He won multiple titles in the American Wrestling Association (AWA) and the National Wrestling Alliance (NWA) and started his own promotion in Indianapolis called the World Wrestling Association.

The Bruiser used his wrestling career to become a cross-media star and local celebrity in the Indianapolis area. But the first step on his rise to fame came with the Green Bay Packers.

Scary, Heroic and Goofy
Dick the Bruiser was born William Richard Afflis and played on the Packers offensive and defensive lines from 1951-54. Titletown was a ways off in Green Bay’s future as the Packers went 15-32-1 in Afflis’s 48 games. This group of Packers were more interested in drinking beer than winning. And Afflis fit right in.