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Packers GM Ted Thompson targeted by radical fans?

The first two days of the 2012 NFL Draft have quickly unfolded and Packers’ GM Ted Thompson has fulfilled the wishes of most Packers fans by going defense, defense, defense. In press conferences at lambeau Field, Mr. Thompson has insisted these weren’t “need” picks, but I think we all know the truth (nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more).

The similarities to the 2009 draft, with the trading up and the focus on defense and apparently, need, early on  reminded me of a fun little piece I wrote after that draft. I think it pretty much works again, so here it is, as originally written:

In an amazing development, the NFL has just revealed that a sleeper cell of radical Packer fans successfully pulled off a plot to kidnap Packers GM Ted Thompson before the NFL draft and replace him with a look-alike puppet.

Thompson was found this morning, bruised but otherwise unharmed, in a dumpster outside of a Holiday Inn in nearby Appleton, Wisconsin. Thompson had been drugged and woke up confused in the dumpster. His calls for help attracted the attention of hotel guests, who helped him out of the dumpster and untied him.  Read more... (450 words + 1 image, estimated 1:48 mins reading time)

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I’ve always wondered what professional athletes put on their wish lists for Christmas, especially the ones with a large contract. After all, having millions or even just tens of thousands of dollars at your disposal can pretty much buy you whatever you want. Fortunately, I have managed to put my curiosity to rest this week.

Through some careful reconnaissance work, I was able to secure a sampling of items that various Green Bay Packers players and coaches have put on their Christmas lists this year. And in the spirit of giving, I have decided to share the findings with you.

So without any further ado, I present to you the 2011 Green Bay Packers Christmas Wish List:

Aaron Rodgers – “Defensive Cookbook: The NFL’s Top 10 Recipes For Stopping High-Powered Offenses”

Ryan Grant – 20 carries in a single game

James Starks – Black reflective sunglasses, a trenchcoat, and the red pill

Randall Cobb – Percy Harvin’s Playbook

Donald Driver – New publishing deal for a fourth book, “Quickie Wins His Second Championship”

Jordy Nelson – “White Men Can’t Jump” (DVD)

Jermichael Finley – Prototype for Mueller’s new brand of “Traceless Stickum”  Read more... (408 words + 1 image, estimated 1:38 mins reading time)

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Like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, Green Bay Packers’ head coach Mike McCarthy has been living the same game, over and over again.

1) Get a lead

2) Get conservative, keep opponent in the game.

3) Fail to get first downs to kill the clock in the latter part of the fourth quarter

4) Hand the ball back to your opponent with a chance to tie or win

5) Survive…  thanks to a big stop by the defense, often near your own end zone.

The Packers have lived out this scenario in both games so far in 2011. It’s also how they won four out of the last six games last season, including the Super Bowl.

But since the Packers’ Groundhog Day always ends the same way, (with a win) we shouldn’t be concerned, right?

Well, unlike Bill Murray, who tried like hell to get out of the loop he was stuck in, McCarthy seems resigned to let the scenario repeat indefinitely. Murray eventually found himself in the same position.

But then Murray tried a different approach, taking advantage of his knowledge of how the day will play out to try to make improvements to the day, helping to improve himself and all of those around him. Then eventually, the loop was broken.  Read more... (325 words + 1 image, estimated 1:18 mins reading time)

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Super Bowl champion quarterback Aaron Rodgers presents president Obama with a Green Bay Packers jersey.

President Obama (begrudgingly) welcomed the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers to the White House South Lawn on Friday afternoon to congratulate the team and its fans for winning it all last season.

“You guys are coming to my house to rub it in,” said the president, a lifelong Chicago Bears fan. “What are you going to do, go to Ditka’s house next?”

After Charles Woodson presented Obama with an honorary share of Packers stock, the president tried to make a personnel move.

“If I’m a part owner, what I’m thinking is we should initiate a trade to send Rodgers down to the Bears. What do you think?”

Somewhere, Jay Cutler is crying.

But Packers fans are happy, really happy. I must admit, I did not plan to watch any of the ceremony because these types of things tend to be somewhat corny. I ended up having some free time just as the ceremony started so I tuned in.  Read more... (312 words + 1 image, estimated 1:15 mins reading time)

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Last season AllGreenBayPackers.com received an exclusive peak inside the Packers locker room before they faced the Minnesota Vikings in the Metrodome. Through tireless reporting and source development, we were granted access to the locker room on the first day of training camp last weekend. Here’s what went down.

All the Packers coaches are gathered in the locker room. Mike McCarthy arrives

McCarthy: When are the players supposed to get here? I thought everyone was so excited to have football back. Why are they not in here already?

Winston Moss: They’re all in the Hall of Fame down the street, staring at our Super Bowl trophy. I sent Capers to go get them. The players are frightened by his hair, so they’ll probably come running back here once they see him coming.

The locker room door opens and players start coming in. Rodgers has a perfect tan, and is accompanied by two beautiful young women – one blonde, one brunette – both with tattoos on their lower backs. Tom Crabtree walks headfirst into the wall because he was Tweeting instead of paying attention to where he was going. Ryan Pickett and Howard Green start punching each other over who gets to go through the post-practice buffet line first.  Read more... (853 words + 1 image, estimated 3:25 mins reading time)

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NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has to be feeling good about his sport as the NFL lockout ends.

Roger Goodell was asked today if there were any damages from the NFL lockout that need to be repaired. He said:

“Well, I would say from the Commissioner’s perspective, we know what we did to frustrate our fans over the last several months. They want football and our job is to give them football. We think that through a 10-year agreement here, we’ve secured the future of the game to ensure that pledge to bring great football to our fans. I think we have some work to do though to make sure they understand that we are sorry for the frustration we put them through over the last six months, but our commitment is to bring them better football going forward. I think we ought to make sure that we understand that our bond with our fans is probably the primary issue that all of us have to keep focused on, whether you’re a player, or you’re an owner or you’re the Commissioner.”

While Goodell was giving this beautifully crafted and politically correct answer, here’s what he was really thinking:  Read more... (652 words + 1 image, estimated 2:36 mins reading time)

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