Last season AllGreenBayPackers.com received an exclusive peak inside the Packers locker room before they faced the Minnesota Vikings in the Metrodome. Through tireless reporting and source development, we were granted access to the locker room on the first day of training camp last weekend. Here’s what went down.
All the Packers coaches are gathered in the locker room. Mike McCarthy arrives
McCarthy: When are the players supposed to get here? I thought everyone was so excited to have football back. Why are they not in here already?
Winston Moss: They’re all in the Hall of Fame down the street, staring at our Super Bowl trophy. I sent Capers to go get them. The players are frightened by his hair, so they’ll probably come running back here once they see him coming.
The locker room door opens and players start coming in. Rodgers has a perfect tan, and is accompanied by two beautiful young women – one blonde, one brunette – both with tattoos on their lower backs. Tom Crabtree walks headfirst into the wall because he was Tweeting instead of paying attention to where he was going. Ryan Pickett and Howard Green start punching each other over who gets to go through the post-practice buffet line first.
McCarthy: Didn’t we hire an ex CIA agent to spy on these guys and keep them in line during the lockout?
Moss: We actually hired the entire CIA. But Obama got wind of it and ordered his agents to abort the mission. Obama’s a Bears fan, ya know.
Players continue arriving. Josh Sitton hits Sam Shields in the neck with a baseball bat.
Shields: What was that for?!
Sitton: There was a giant ugly thing on your neck! I think it’s alive!
Shields: That’s my new tattoo, you idiot! It’s a giant Super Bowl ring! It went viral on the Interwebs!
McCarthy: Alright! Listen up! I’ve had it! Sitton put the bat down. Rodgers tell your, ahem, friends to wait outside. Pickett and Green, nothing but salads for you two. Crabtree, stop Tweeting.
Crabtree: But I’m leading a live-Tweetup on U-Stream in my Google+ circle through the iPad Nick Collins gave Alex Tallitsch called Watch Tom Watch the Packers Show up at Training Camp. It’s live on Cheesehead TV and Cheesehead Radio.
McCarthy takes Crabtree’s iPad, stomps it into a million pieces, then lights the pieces on fire.